Lifetime of Loneliness

I. It's A Costly World For Sixteen Year Olds

I am out of luck. I am stuck. And I am only Sixteen.

At Sixteen my head only hears three things

That the rest of the world will bring down my wings

With this I may never excel

Because it’s all about the car, the college, and the Coco Chanels

The Car.

Buying a car is far from pleasing

As the sleazy car seller just keeps sneezing, Aw Cho

The lot is full of cars from the last few decades

Their engines have no steady beat, they ricochet

Ten years since I last wanted a car

During the times when I used to wish on stars

That pink corvette for my penthouse in Malibu, with Barbie

I could’ve ridden off in the sunset with Ken in his apple red ferrari

The Coco Chanels.

Danced all night till my feet fell sore

Cuts and blood began to pour

But I had to be a survivor

I Didn’t spend my last fifty bucks not to be a bit higher

The College.

I can’t drop 10k in the dean’s bank account

I will be the student who buys the 89 cent tacos and still tries to surmount

I can’t pay loans with such a fee

I will get a degree that will cost more than what my salary will be

I’ll be forty-three and have two teens

That will ask me what I did when I was wearing their jeans

Sixteen without any knowledge where to start

My life will not be a piece of art

The door of opportunity closes

I never stopped to smell any roses

I kept going so that maybe one day extra change would weigh down my pockets

And force me to buy some smelly flowers that would make tears come out of my eye sockets

II. Twenty Four Hours

Twenty Four Hours Up at Night

As all of the stars shine through the soul

The People that fight are growing old

Times make it hard, when having to pay the toll

The arguments are bitter cold

Twenty four hours of non-stop driving

To forget the pain it brought to your chest

Just to leave before even trying

A steady beat of intense conversations

We all knew it would lead to this

Twenty four hours to ask why

Maybe to finally wake you up

It took you that long to find a light

And notice the truth about my twenty four hours

Twenty Four Hours of free falling

It feels like years have passed by

Handwritten letters and countless calling

Patience is to hard to find when waiting

In twenty four hours

III. Howl

Hair let down loose

Love set by the fire

Don’t drink all the booze

Meet me with the friar

Midnight strikes and the stars align

Honest oaths are taken to the point of no goodbye

Glossy eyes begin to sparkle and shine

With all this love we will never die

Immortality haunts us

One day we might swear and cuss

Our love is written is the stars

The howling wolves are not too far

IV. The Hook Up

Loving arms lead you up creaking stairs

The feeling is overwhelmingly in your heart

All you want is to stay up all night in an inviting chest

Divulging in idiotic secrets from the dimness of night to the early aurora of dawn

In that moment it’s all you want all you feel

When you wake up you feel like a mess

Then you vanish and flee before the other awakes

Then your heart settles in embarrassment

Realization pounds in your head

You wonder about last night

Was it even real?

Or if it was simply a fictional fabric of lies

Deeply told by two lost souls

Did it matter?

Maybe it did last night.

Maybe it did when you sat at that bar.

Maybe it did after lord knows how many shots of tequila.

Maybe it did when you thought about your parents, or your kids.

Maybe it did.

But you still lost last night’s clothes

There probably still scattered around his apartment

Should you go back

You want to

To go back to inviting arms

To go back to shared secrets

To go back to not feeling so alone

Won regional silver medal for Scholastic Arts and Writing Competition

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#poetry #awards